He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
