It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
