i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize