who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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