What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
