The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
