great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize