Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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