You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
