youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
