it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
