I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Are these your boobs on my camera?
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
