he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
