I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Randomize
