He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
