afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize
