and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
