im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
