Come see our sink grown plant.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
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