Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
so let's talk penis.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I need a beard to bite.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
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