if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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