I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
