I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
