East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
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