Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize