You're so nebulous sometimes
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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