No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
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