...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
