Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
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