Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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