I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
