why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
this hospital has no fireball
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
