I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
