see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
