I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I fill condoms, not promises.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I just gargled with NyQuil
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Randomize
