Already got asked if we're dating
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
His hands were made for my vagina.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
