Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
