I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Randomize
