i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
