what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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