Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
