She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
oh god the rape fog is back!
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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