Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
