What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Pants are for mortals
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
