I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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