I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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