She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
