i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
