He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
