I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
