she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
