Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
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