I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
