Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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