She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
