He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
