I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
