I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
