Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
