Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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