Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
My cat gives me a boner
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize