I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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