I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
