i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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