if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Randomize
