Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
