thus making me awesome and them whores
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
