I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize