pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
