my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
