With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Randomize
