bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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