I don't usually arrange sex via text message
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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