dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
