My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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