Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Randomize
