nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
