capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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