a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize