I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
