I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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