I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
