i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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