I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
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