My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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