My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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