this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
