: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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