we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize