I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
