In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
how can u be prego again
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
