we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
