I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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