Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
