Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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