If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
