You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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