Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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