Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Drunk is not a location!
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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