i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
