How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
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