im six kinds of drunk right now
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize