I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
